Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
