YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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