Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
