Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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