her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
