No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
