I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
