3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
