some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
