And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
