I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
