Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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