haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
