I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
