Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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