Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
