that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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