Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
