she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
