wrigley field is MILF paradise
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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