My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
