As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
