arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
