my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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