she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize