just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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