i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
