he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
