Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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