Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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