HIV tests are more positive than that guy
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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