I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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