I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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