Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize
