He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
