STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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