It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
