So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
