this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
