peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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