which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
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How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
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Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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