Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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