just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
