There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
