My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The beer is more important than you right now.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
