Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
