Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Congratulations! We have a period
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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