hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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