Just fell off a train. Bad.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
