WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
