I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
