his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
