Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
