he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Never joke about your clitoris.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
