dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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