if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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