i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
