I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
