Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
