It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
