Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
