Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
