i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
