Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I want a musical about memes.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
