I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
