im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
