i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
