hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
