i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
