dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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