69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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