im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
